kewp's development


year 10,000. it's bleak outside,
the weather grey. i'm reaching
for what hurts the most, reifying.
it's year 10,000. the clouds roll
past in the sky, my room is white,
everything is white. i'm reaching
for the pain. what hurts is in my
chest, it's on my face. i can see
crying, shame, i'm thinking about
loneliness, my life, my family.
a storm outside. i feel the pain
in my arms. it's in my chest. i
feel hot. tears, i see myself
collapse foward, i see myself
asking for mercy. i'm really hot.
i feel confused. i'm sweating.
i'm wearing shoes. i feel stupid.
i feel shame. my body feels thick
somehow. can i stare this down?
my heart pulses as though through
wood. my breathing is shallow.
it's year 10,000. this has been
going on forever. what happens if
i keep looking ahead - is there
something right in front of me,
somehow. am i trapped in a box,
some kind of snow globe. a box
right in front of me. if i keep
staring right ahead will i break
out, somehow. is that what's
going on. am i stuck in another
way, is the box too close in to
see. is it a vision, something
wrapped around my eyes, somehow.
if i keep looking ahead will it
fade, like melting crystals.
keep looking straight ahead,
despite my throbbing heart.
despite the instinct to hold my