kewp's development

what would it look like.txt

what would it look like to be sure of a machine?

the simplest 'machine' i can think of is a light switch.
nobody has ever looked at one and wondered - is this going to work?
am i doing something wrong?
what about all the edge cases - what variables am i not accounting for?

no - they simply don't think about it.
like that dictum - the best technology you forget about?
i can't remember, it's not important.

you interact with something, and you want to know what's going to happen.
but with something like a computer it's not just one thing - up or down,
on or off, in or out. a computer has more to do, more to control.
imagine instead of one switch you had a switch, a dial, a slider, and
some wires you can pull out and stick into different holes. and indicators
showing different colors and symbols, perhaps even sounds. and you needed
to know that when it shows green that means the red wire needs to go into
the black hole, but only if the slider was all the way to the left.
and only then will the light switch come on.

and we call these people 'programmers' and they get charged exhorbitant
fees for operating these complex but essential machines that turn lights
on and off. and they in turn are constantly competing against one another
to find better and more structured ways of handling the immense complexity
of the rules governing the light switch's operation.

to be fair - computers do more than turn a light on and off, which might
explain the necessity of complexity. but i cannot get this image out of my
head - for as long as i've been enthralled with computers i have felt
frustrated and bemused at how overly complicated they were. every system
i'd ever used, every piece of software, every api, all of it seemed to
be doing something wrong. i feel as though it's this baby field and there
are epochal changes possible, simple thoughts that make everything before
redundant.

in fact i know there are. i have come up with an approach to creating
software that will fundamentally change the nature of computers. it is
as simple as it is elegant. it's not abstract, though it seems to hold
in it's structure major discoveries into the nature of software and even
machines. and i am terrified to release it, for many reasons. because
it could be mocked. misunderstood. misrepresented. ignored. diluted.
forgotten. i see all these things and i have to fight - fight to have
what i see seen. this battle against entropy, against chaos, against
noise. i imagine summoning armies, all my years experience writing,
creating software, reading commentaries and tutorials. i could stage
this huge battle - ready to come up against any comers and protect this
precious thing, this tiny idea with astonishing potential.

it was excruciating birthing this thing. it was the culmination of
years of love, of care and focus, confusion and sweat. of clawing
desperately trying to move forward. and now something has come out of
me and no matter how much i look at it or forget about it it still
looks the same, it is still beautiful, it still has things to teach me.
and i want to share it with the world, i want it to live. my heart
aches for it. it is no thing and yet it is unimaginable potential.
in it is all my love for these things, these computers, which gave me
so much. which opened my world up. which have improved the lives of
so many. which gave me hope. which connected me to others past and
present. i so badly want to give back, i so badly want things to be
better. and now i know how. and i feel like my heart is bleeding.
i wish someone would come and pick me up, and take this thing from
my hands and look after it, protect it and let it grow. i feel so
bad. god, why do i feel so bad. where is all this pain coming from.